Everyone goes through painful times in their life; it’s part of being human; but it’s when one becomes bogged down in the event when you feel as if you can’t ever extract yourself from the memory and the pain, that offering just the right note of encouragement and love can keep your loved one’s head above water. All you need to do is to let them know you’re there, but sometimes you can’t break through that wall, if the hurt is so bad and all-encompassing.
As cliched as it might sound, sometimes the words “I love you” can make a huge difference. Do you say them often enough? Do the people you love hear it from you, and when you say those words, do you mean them?
There’s nothing like being in a world of pain to make a victim especially sensitive to who is being honest with them, and who isn’t. They need to know you love them, and they need to hear it from you, even if you think “they know that already.”
The victim also needs you to be honest with them, even as you search for the right words of encouragement to one you love. You have to put aside judging them, but you also need to tell them the truth. Fortunately, there are ways of being honest (“This will pass. I know it will.”) without being bluntly, coldly truthful (“Get over it already! You’re such a baby!”)
Both statements might be true, but the last thing a person in pain needs is to be told that they’ve failed with something you think is so obvious that it’s something “everyone knows.”
It’s not a mere matter of “getting over it.” Time will make a difference, but so will them knowing you aren’t rejecting them for not being able to see past their pain right now.
When the hurt is serious - the death of a spouse or parent - you can expect that there’s a period of time where there isn’t anything else to do but let the pain happen. Grieving for someone who meant the world to you is as natural and normal as, unfortunately, dying is.
You don’t have to lose someone through death to feel as if the world has ended. It’s easy for a person not experiencing a terrible event to think that the sufferer should just “get over it.” It’s not that easy in reality. If it were, there’d be a lot of unemployed psychiatrists and counselors in the country!
Let your loved one know you’re there. Sometimes a touch of the hand and a kind word can be enough to break through the barriers of pain.
It may not seem like much, but for someone who is hurting, the mere act of being there, when they need you, without saying a word, can be enough to get the over the hump.
Yes, it seems obvious, but it’s easy to get frustrated with someone you love, who doesn’t seem to be getting over “it,” whatever “it” may be. It’s natural to feel yourself losing your temper, when this is something you think you could handle so much better.
Everyone goes through those times, and the best way to ride the rough waves is to endure them. It can be done; your loved one will survive, but he also needs to know it’s okay for him to let himself hurt. He can’t be in such a rush to “get over it” that he tamps the hurt down, where it can fester and make the future even worse.
So remember: Be kind when you’re looking for the right words of encouragement to one you love. You will find the right thing to say. Just put yourself in their place, and imagine how you’d feel if you were on the receiving end of your words.
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